Why my daughter may very well be the Devil, oh! and Happy Birthday to her!

Audrey turns 7.      She can kick her brothers asses on any given day (truly, I've seen it happen, even while wearing a tutu and heels, (would that we could all be that whimsically fashion challenged, and not be judged!) She could totally dispense my dreamed about ninja kick to the head, which makes me proud and envious, all at the same time! Bottom line, She's tough, their wussies, what gives?! She has a knack for reeking havoc wherever she goes. Okay fine, I'm being a *tad* dramatic.... She reeks havoc at home, at school she's a veritable angel! Wtf?! Every Tuesday, for CCD classes, with fingers crossed, I watch her enter the building and am amazed each and every time, that she isn't immediately engulfed into the flames of Hell.  With relief in my voice, I can often be heard telling the Hubster, "It was a close one today, her heels smoked, but no combustion yet!". Woohoo! When the little *darling* was two, she went to bed early one night with a slight fever. When I went up at 9pm to check on them, the oldest monster was out cold, but not Audie. She’s in bed wide awake with a slightly panicked look on her face, which gets worse as I approach.  Upon closer inspection I become suspicious, that my little *angel* (cough), isn't moving, but is laying perfectly still, totally out of character for her.... Alarm bells sound in my head (or it's just the crazy talking, but let's not go there today!). One can't help but notice, given the evidence next to her, that she’s been busy.  Apparently, instead of resting as she was supposed to, she’d taken, and broken, a foam toy of Sam’s. As if that wasn't bad enough, she also stole Elmers glue from his room to try and fix it. The tip off, you ask?? The huge gouged out portion of the toy that had been bitten off AND the ginormous pile of dripping, oozing glue, with said bitten piece, glued on sideways. Which then lead me to rationalize (as only a mother can), hmmm, if there’s that much glues on the toy…. Our eyes meet as I glance over at her, again, she’s still AND silent, boldly holding my gaze. Is she panicked, playing dumb, or is she waiting me out, in the hopes that I’ll go away?! One never knows with the little devil.  I proceed to check her forehead, of which is sticky (wtf?!) I then attempt to tear down the top blanket away, but find it a bit resistant??? To my surprise, she has *literally* glued herself to the sheets! I had to *peel* her out of bed (seriously), and scrub her in a warm tub with a scrub brush to get the semi dried, very tacky, glue off of her. You just can't make this shit up! She's evil. This is just ONE of the *many* little angel's stories. I have loads of them, from being sewn into her footie pj's nightly (keeping her from stripping), to putting stickers on her nipples ( I don't think we need to elaborate on that one), to cutting her own hair and giving herself a cockscomb (like a roosters, come on people!!). Are you sensing a particular theme with this lil' Devil? Yeah... So are her parental units. Which is why she's gonna have a chastity belt fitted to her in a few years time AND why the Hubster insists we need to own a firearm (or two...). Fact: When she was just a few months old, we almost lost her due to sepsis, which as you can imagine was horrifyingly scary. Thankfully, we have an amazing pediatrician, whose quick thinking and relentless attentive nature, pulled her through the worst of it. Not only does he have my undying loyalty, but I'm proud to call him friend. We love him! So, even through all the grey hairs she's given me (believe me, there's many), I can honestly say that I am profoundly grateful for her and truly mean it! Not only is she beautiful inside and out, she's also funny, smart, creative, caring, spontaneous in her bursts of singing/dancing/laughter, she has an infectious giggle and is an all together amazing little bundle of energy.  Hopefully, someday when she's older (and the teenage angst has set in, which it will. *sigh*) she'll read this and realize how very much I love her, and always will.  Bella-boo, everyday joy bursts from within my heart at having you in my life. Here's wishing you the Happiest of Birthday's, now and always.   XO's Baby girl