My love/hate affair with auto correct.

Listen, your trying too hard. 

If, now and then, I want to type a word that you don't approve of, it still doesn't constitute your intrusive insistence into my conversations. 
I meant what I said and said what I meant. When you change the word, or better yet, don't allow me my freedom of expression (i.e. When I say fucktard, I mean just that! Not some similarly sounding, less powerful, politically correct replacement.) you thereby take the umpf outta my thought. 

That's not to say I don't appreciate you, I do. I wouldn't appear half as intelligent as I do without you in my life. Yet, I feel that you try to refine me too much. At times, I admit I can abrasive and, yes, even down right naughty. Guess what? I like it that way. Ya, get what I'm saying? 

What it comes down to is this, I like me the way I am. You might *try* to (and this isn't a criticism, think of it as more of a suggestion), insert yourself into my life when I *require* assistance. 

Until then, I'd appreciate it if you sat back and enjoyed the ride, *occasionally* helping me navigate along the way. No one approves of a snarky backseat driver. So please, do us both a  favor and sit tight, hold on for the ride and let me plow through my own thoughts. I'll let you know when your expertise is required. 

I know your crushing on me right now, but don't take it so hard. Here's a little hint for your next endeavor: Though It's been said a little spontaneity is good, that's true, but your a tad over the top. Take it down a notch. Desperation does not make for a long term partnership.

I'm by no means breaking up with you, but I would like some distance. Some time, if you will, to reflect on our relationship with regards to one another... In other words, it's not me, it's you. 

Its become apparent that I'm just one of those people that has to have the last word (of my choosing) and clearly your more assertive than I would like. Let's agree to see each other only now and then. In other words, I'll look you up when I need you. Bottom line, don't pimp yourself out, your not a whore. 

Sincerely,
Your Badass grammatically/misspelling/politically challenged crush.
Xo's