Thursday, January 5, 2012

Towels and washcloths, there's a reason these should be as disposable as paper towels...

The 4 year old, (oh, let's just call him "Charlie", for shits and giggles) had a little trouble cleaning himself after a rather messy cleansing of the bowels. Instead of calling me in to help, Audie (the 6 year old) decides to take control. “What can I do for you honey?” she says sweetly, (as if she doesn't want to wring his little neck 20 hours outta a 24 hour day!). Charlie, clearly frustrated, “My butts dirty, I can’t get it.". At this point he's gone through a bazillion *tiny* pieces of toilet paper. Annoyed at his own ineptness, he whines, "Help me Auds?”. Ever valiant, she grabs some toilet paper. “Oh, all right." she sighs as if extremely put upon-even though she volunteered for this particular mission. "Bend over sweetie”.
After a few failed attempts, with Auds standing about a mile away and swiping tentatively in the vicinity of his rear end, he's had enough and yells, “MOM! Need a little more help here!”. *sigh* 
I knew it would come to this, but, I let her try anyway and here's why:
Everyone has a "Dad" parenting moment, when they say to themselves, "lets just see what happens".  Come on fellow Mom's, you know what I'm talking about! Where the Dad, Aka the responsible individual in charge *cough*, tends to observe a situation instead of stepping in to prevent the issue all together? This is usually where family "accidents" occur, you know, the ones us women tend to discuss and laugh at during family gatherings??
Such as, "Johnny was showing me how he can walk backwards, when all of a sudden he fell down the stairs! Never saw it coming!" or "Ernestine wanted to make a tent under a folding table and secured the blanket on top with a series of well placed bricks. Ingenious plan I thought, until one of the bricks fell on her head!". Okay, that last one was actually my BFF and I when we were kids, but, where was her Dad when this happened, huh?!? Clearly, that's a tale for another time...
Back to the story at hand, I  walk into the bathroom and grab a warm soapy wash cloth and proceed to clean his foul ass. Mission completed, Charlie's one happy camper scampering away to play. Blissful, with the knowledge that he's now traumatized his sister forever. Two words, Demon. Spawn. Audie looks at me and in a somewhat state of shock, says (with no small amount of disgust), “I am never using that wash cloth again!". Visibly shudders, "Yuck!”.
Now I ask you, should I shatter her peace of mind and tell her every wash cloth she uses has at one time touched each of her brother’s, her Dad's and my nether regions?! I could be kind and let her live with a false sense of security, but then thats not how I roll.
**Messing with the kids, not quite as enjoyable as envisioning a mental kick to an annoying persons head, but nonetheless gratifying!

This latest episode at the homestead Asylum, got me thinking, Auds has an astonishingly good point! Towels and washcloths should definitely be made to be disposable. By disposable, I mean burned, bombed and destroyed, never to be seen again. When washing/drying your face/hair etc.. have you ever thought, (just THOUGHT?!) about the disgusting crevices that that particular piece of cloth has journeyed on various parts of your families/house guests bodies?!
Peeps, there's a reason  these should be as disposable as paper towels. Because really, does a washing machine ever *truly* make you forget, that the towel your drying your hair with was used only a week or two ago, to clean up Cindy's puke or (in our case) Charlie's poopy butt?! I assure you, I now avoid that particular wash cloth like the plague. 
Which leads me to yet another observation, (of which is far worse), using hotels and hospitals complimentary towels/washcloths, that multiple strangers have used on the disgusting crevices of THEIR bodies?!  Yikes! 

Happy showering! *snicker* 

P.s. Don't even think of kicking me in the head, that's my thing! ;)


  1. Found you on "People I want to Punch in the Throat." Couldn't agree more. We have washclothes that get left in the bottom of the sink and dried to a point of petrification.

  2. I saw your blog on "People I want to Punch in the Throat". This post made me laugh because of the "Dad" comment!! That is so true! My husband is one of those that "sits back and lets see this play out" kind of guy. And it usually ends in a surprisingly (for him) big disaster.

    Take care,

  3. Thanks Family Travellers and PletcherFamily for visiting my blog! I try to write about funny day to day issues that others can relate to. Everyone needs a healthy sense of humor to get them through the day and above all, never take themselves too seriously!
    Ha! The "Dad" moment, yep, everyones done damage control on that one! I can also totally relate to the petrified washclothes. *shudder* I've been known to just throw them out instead of even trying to wash them. Eeewwww!!!
    Am getting into the swing of things and will def. check out your blogs as well! So excited to get some traffic, really hope you like it and will come back more!

  4. Ha ha....Dad parenting moment so true!! Most of the time I have to butt in before seeing what will happen though, it must be my control issues ;)
    Ps. Also found you on the "people I want to punch" blog

    1. Jen, I'd butt in too, *but* my Hubsters "Dad" parenting moments usually take place when I'm elsewhere. *sigh* Never thought the Hubster would need a sitter too... *g*
      Thanks for posting! Hope you traffic thru some more! :) People I want to Punch in the Throat is awesomely funny! Love her posts!